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The Lowell

The Student News Site of Lowell High School

The Lowell

The Student News Site of Lowell High School

The Lowell

Satire: How to mew: Suffering in sharpness not silence

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Emily Yee

Do you ever wish you could turn heads in the hallway? Have a jawline so sharp it could cut straight through diamonds? Do you wish to entrance baddies you stumble upon during the passing period? Well, we’ve got you covered! (Please follow this tutorial at your own risk as you could obtain an impressive yet dangerously sharp jawline.)

If you’ve ever opened any social media app, you’ve probably taken a gander at the term “mewing.” It is the newest way to define your jawline! It’s important to note that the degree of one’s jawline and facial bone structure is not determined by genetics, lifestyle, or exercise. It is simply a reflection of the amount of mewing.

For a sharp jawline, just follow this step-by-step process. First you want to start by clamping your teeth shut aggressively and firmly placing your tongue at the roof of your mouth. The muscles in your mouth should now be strained. Next, slowly but cautiously slide your tongue towards the backside of your teeth, making sure your tongue is fiercely in place. Then, never go back to your pre-mewing lifestyle as you are now locked in forever.

It is crucial that you mew at all times as you do not want to be caught lacking. If perchance, said baddie speaks to you, don’t even think about letting your personality shine. Instead, keep your eyes on the prize and continue aggressively mewing. Unless there are tears in your eyes from the concentration of this tongue placement, you are not mewing enough. If you don’t mew, it’s over. It’s over, as in nobody will ever want to stare into your eyes or view your chiseled face.

Now that your jawline is at an angle that your geometry teacher would be proud of, you are finally ready to conquer the hallways at Lowell.

Now that your jawline is at an angle that your geometry teacher would be proud of, you are finally ready to conquer the hallways at Lowell. Captivate anyone who spots you and remember to keep your head up! If you’re looking for a baddie to cop, keep your mewing streak on top!

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About the Contributors
Nellie Zakharov, Reporter
She/Her Nellie is a sophomore. When she’s not at cheer or dance practice, Nellie can be found listening to Taylor Swift’s folklore album or enjoying an iced matcha latte.
Amálie Cimala, Reporter
She/Her Amálie is a sophomore at Lowell. She loves playing guitar, thrifting and Haight Street. She also enjoys school lunch ketchup packets.
Emily Yee, Illustrator
Any Emily Yee is a senior at Lowell. She is very cool and amazing and awesome.

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  • S

    SylviaMar 26, 2024 at 4:25 pm

    now im finally ready to cop some baddies

    Reply