The Student News Site of Lowell High School

The Lowell

The Student News Site of Lowell High School

The Lowell

The Student News Site of Lowell High School

The Lowell

Satire: Worst ways to be known around school

  1. Social media overlord

    Emily Yee

The social media overlord unforgivably spams their story with a mixture of thirst traps and Instagram reels. They’re definitely keeping your feed interesting, or at least your group chat.

  1. Serial pencil borrower

The serial pencil borrowers of Lowell plague the hallway, perpetually in a dreamy state as they burden another person with the doomed whisper, ‘’Hey, do you have another pencil I can borrow?’’ Seldom do they give it back.

  1. Alpha male

Although ‘’alpha’’ may inspire confidence in some, here at Lowell, being the ‘’alpha male’’ of the pack implies Republicanism: ensured social suicide. Somehow, though, he’s always devastatingly smarter than you. 

  1. Woke warrior 

They will definitely reprimand the ‘’bigot’’ who hate-crimed them (the barista who gave them a plastic straw), while posting infographics about harvesting oat milk since it’s “beneficial” for BIPOC. They’re busy protesting against right-handed scissors. 

  1. NPC (Non-Player Character)

The Lowell NPC keeps their Adidas track pants, running shoes, and cardinal Lowell hoodie in rotation. Will they talk to you in class? Will they say anything during group discussions? Probably not. But you can count on them for good grades and to help out the community through a fake volunteering group.

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About the Contributors
Brooke Laur, Columns Editor
She/Her Brooke is a senior at Lowell. Outside of school, she can be found getting burritos with her friends, listening to podcasts, and daydreaming on the bus. Brooke's motto in life is ''do it for the bit''.
Emily Yee, Illustrator
Any Emily Yee is a senior at Lowell. She is very cool and amazing and awesome.

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