It sounds simple, but I am a lot happier today because of my decision to reduce the amount of “sad” music I listen to, and it all started with my trip to Europe last summer.
Preceding my trip, I was often entrapped within the webs of my delicious sadness, a wonderful prison of longing and sulking. Before bed, I’d gleefully construct an elaborate trap of imaginary scenarios and calculate, one by one, all the ways in which I was failing to complete these magical scenes — my love life, my future, school interactions, and everything in between. This guilty pleasure of mine was always accompanied and exacerbated by the saddest music I could compile. Mitski, Lana Del Rey, Fiona Apple, and Jeff Buckley were a persisting soundtrack to my troubling imagination and reaffirmed the knotted pit that formed in my stomach each night before I went to sleep.
The problem was, this nighttime ritual of mine wasn’t just an escapade I divulged in during the night and left behind in the morning. As I listened to the music, it was easy for me to succumb to the delicate web of yearning lyrics and plucking guitar all throughout the rest of the following day. Phoebe Bridgers’ depressing lyrics went to school with me. Radiohead was waiting for me during passing period. And all the moments, all the days, in between that. It began to feel like the sadness of the music affirmed my troubling thoughts.
Although I hate to sound like your typical American, my trip to Europe transformed me. It wasn’t just the exotic food or narrow alleyways that piqued my interest. It was the music I discovered, too. Specifically: En La Discoteca, if you will. The first time I walked into a nightclub, I was completely enamored. The lights were flashing, the people were dancing, and the beat thumped at my very heartstrings. I couldn’t even understand the words, really, and yet I knew that the magical sound, rhythm, and beat were meant for me to hear. I was converted to whatever techno religion that had all these people, including me, jumping up and down all night long — sweaty, silly, and enthralled with the rhythm of the night.
I knew from that very moment I would devote myself each day to the upbeat genre of “hype” music I was hearing for as long as I possibly could. I was tired of the music I was listening to back home and the drowning feelings of sorrow and despair that followed. I especially couldn’t stand it in such an exuberant place as Europe. As a result, I decided to trash my entire music library and rebuild it from scratch upon a foundation of fast tempos, strong rhythms, and bright melodies. It was like I had been baptized within the sound waves of Europe and reborn into a life full of new hype music. No more were the melancholy playlists I was so used to indulging in.
As my Europe trip progressed, I noticed I was beginning to look in the mirror and feel a new, surging sense of confidence. With someone as convincing as Bad Bunny or Chief Keef powerfully rapping ‘’I’ve been balling so damn hard I swear I think that I’m Kobe,’’ I was beginning to think, Yeah, I have been balling so damn hard I swear I think that I’m Kobe! The songs I listened to became mantras that reverberated between my temples. Taking the music as a religious metaphor even further, my mantra (Chief Keef) allows the soul of Sosa to enter within me. The confident cadence, powerful bass, and hypnotic snare were all elements that pushed me to a clearer state of mind in which I was able to dwell on nothing. Absolutely nothing. It felt like the more I listened, the more I absorbed, and the more I was beginning to believe in the confidence and clarity exuding from artists and music from Kanye, Fred Again, M.I.A. to Chief Keef.
When I came home from my trip abroad, I unpacked my suitcase full of souvenirs, t-shirts, and gifts I brought back home with me. Most importantly, I brought with me a clearer state of mind. From exploring genres such as house, techno, rap, and drill, I found that my mornings began with me looking in the mirror, ready to conquer the day.
My absorption of this music began to stir change within me. Confidence, which fostered the ability to be myself, led to a stronger sense of happiness. My parents and relatives noticed this change as well. They complimented me on how I appeared to be ‘’lighter’’ and that my complexion seemed to be ‘’more happy.’’ It was satisfying to know that the change I was feeling inside was also shining through and that those around me were taking notice.
Although I used to love songs by artists like Lana Del Rey, Mazzy Star, Boy Genius, and My Bloody Valentine, I realized that they affected my mood too much. Maybe it’s my fault that I let myself be that affected, but with more upbeat, happier music in my life, I had the motivation and reassurance to make changes in my life, both mental and physical.
There will always be a time for this sad music, whether it be playing special songs that remind me of a certain time of my life or maybe ones that just fit a certain mood, but I know deep down there’s nothing like turning on a hype song and feeling absolutely — deviously — unstoppable.
